This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the following post. It was just so cute I couldn’t help but post it here – especially after being such a bum in the last post.
And so we begin!
So the past few weeks haven’t been my best. I’ve been pretty tired, and pretty lonely, and a little bit sad. But for some reason I keep going back to talk to this one person about my problems. Now, I know this person is reading this, and by the end of this post you’ll know who you are… but there are just some things you’ve got to say. And sometimes the best way to say them is through a blog post. Wait a second… maybe that’s not the way that works… ah well, for now it is! Full disclosure with all my lovely readers.
I used to talk to this person about all my problems. Every day, they were there listening to me rant and rave about all the sucky things. Fortunately they were also there on the really good days. They were there every day. And when someone is in your life all the time -literally, all the time – you get used to talking to them about the important stuff [and the not so important stuff]. So when this person eventually is not around at all for a while – as in you don’t talk to them for an entire year – and eventually you start talking again [clear the air, so to speak], it seems entirely natural to burden them with all your annoying little problems again.
And then I realize at points throughout my day, as I reach for my phone [reached, sorry] to text this person about something funny that happened:
They aren’t obligated to listen anymore.
And maybe, just maybe, I’m that annoying girl that the two 0f us used to make fun of whenever she would text. And perhaps they’re asking their current company how to get out of the conversation. And maybe I’m just paranoid that I have no friends anymore because I’ve taken to talking to my cats like they’re humans. Now that makes me sound totally stable.
Anyway, my point is this:
It’s so easy to fall right back into a pattern. [And sometimes I wish I could take up the pattern’s offer and just go back-forwards in time – that’s like going back in time, but making it better. Holla.]
And this current falling [of sorts] is making me worry a little bit… I’m worried, as always, that I will continue to let this friendship, ex-relationship of the romantic variety, etc. etc. get in the way of future possibilities – and by possibilities I mean possibilities of the romantic variety.
Why is this? Because it’s already all there [and by all I mean the communication], and all comfortable, and all just so normal [but entirely not normal anymore] with this one person. If there is anyone who knows me better than my best friends, it’s this person – even though we know much less than we used to about each other since we did a lot of growing up over our silent year.
Hum. I think I need to spend more time reading books that aren’t about romance in the 20’s. And 1700’s. And modern day. Thanks English 1406 book list for making me think about love. I thought we were over that. [If you aren’t a hanger on from Cat Wings Can, you don’t know this, but the L word and I don’t have the best track record as of late.]
Anyway, I just wanted to get it out there that no matter how hard you try to get rid of them, if certain feelings were really really there at some point [and by there, I don’t know where… just… somewhere…] I think they’re always… going to be there… for me at least…
I think that covers my thought… Yup. Back soon [hopefully with something a little more stimulating and intelligent!]